Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
