8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
