There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
