Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
