He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
