My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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