Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
