I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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