i just had sex bonerless
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
