I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize