There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
