My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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