he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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