So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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