It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
