So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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