Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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