You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
