I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
