the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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