i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize