He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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