wanna go halves on a baby?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
