I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
