She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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