Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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