The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
