I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
