seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Green mimosas i think yes
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
