i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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