I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
