That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize