I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
