I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
