I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
