you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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