As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
