Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
