Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
