I want to walk on stilts...naked
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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