need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
