Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
