He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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