I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
