Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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