I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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