I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
