tonight lets celebrate not being married
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize