Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
