Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
