well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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