and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
