Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize