I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
