Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You have to summon your inner elephant
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
