My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
