do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
