you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
