dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
