that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
