I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
