So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
