apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
