i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
