I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
